Crazy little thing called love!

 Unconditional love- a way in which we all want other people to love us.  Some say it is love without rules, others say it is to love in spite of anything?  What is unconditional love for you?  In almost every adult life there are needs that were probably not met by our parents or caregivers. Some of us still live with the after effects of a critical, absent, busy or tired parent that tried to give their children the best they could within their realm of experience.  We desperately try and do better, but sometimes it feels like running the Berg marathon without enough training!

Dr Ross Cambell in his book:”How to really love your child” makes this statement:  If I love them unconditionally, they will feel good about themselves and be comfortable with themselves.  They will be able to control their anxiety and in time their behaviour as the grow into adulthood” .   If we can give them this vital gift of unconditional love- it can truly change the outcomes of our children’s lives.

How?

1.    Accept and really accept that you are not perfect!  If you as parent can accept that about yourself, you can accept that in your child- if you can accept him/ her – they will also be able to accept themselves and not expect perfection.

2.   Look in their eyes and smile!  Positive, affirming eye contact is a vey powerful way of expressing your love and acceptance towards your child.  See again their beautiful eyes, their smile-with some teeth missing!  It is critical to not to use the withholding of eye contact as a way to punish or show disappointment-that  directly conveys that a child is only loved when he/she pleases you!  When we make mistakes is exactly the time when we need a strong love to help us recover!

Children spell love – T I ME .  Really listen to what they are telling you!  Many times it feels like you have missed the entro and are not exactly sure on which planet and time the tale is taking place!  Ask questions and give you full attention.  Rather ask to be told the story at a later time than give a half-hearted effort.  Ten minutes of your time and attention can make a huge difference to your child’s experience of your love for him/her.

Article written by Michelle Veitch, Clinical Psychologist